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[She didn't see it, no. She's been too busy sleeping. After she asked her own question of Lucille, she wiped back out. So she tips her head to the side, frowning. Until comprehension dawns.]

Lucille chose fool? For me?

[Well, that was foolish.]

[ Is this better or worse that Regina doesn't know? Mami can only watch the other's expression with a worried, anxious one herself, like she thinks Regina might lash out at her in anger or worse, disappointment.

But what she gets seems to be neither. ]

Yes... Apparently the information I asked for isn't something easily given. [ Mami is quick to raise her hands in front of her almost defensively. ] B-But I don't plan on actually daring you! That's not... that's not fair to you, when it's a selfish question.

You have to. It's in the rules. If not, Lucille will punish both of us.

[Her voice is patient without being condescending or sanctimonious. Mami knows the rules just as she does - or she should. Regardless, it's a gentle reminder.]

So let us craft something that is both appropriate for me and appropriately foolish. [She covers a yawn.] And if we cannot... [With a shrug, Regina gives Mami a small smile.] I am accustomed to finding loopholes.

[And it would be foolish for Lucille to force certain actions against her. Regina is not one of the Maeve, but she is not without power. Better for her to love the Maeve than despise them. Lucille is smart enough to know that.]

Maybe I can convince her to punish me twice, so that you would be spared...

[ Her voice is quiet, scared, like she still expects Regina to hate her for having brought her into this at all. A moment of bad decision making that Mami fears will make her lose another friend. Even her little smile does little to make the usually calm and relaxed Mami cease her anxious body language. ]

The fool calls for something terrible, I don't want to see you hurt or anything.. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.

Mmm, doubtful. But Lucille would be an idiot to hurt me badly.

[Witches are long-lived and hold grudges. Kind though Regina is, she is her mother's daughter and a witch at that. It will do Lucille no favors to cause her lasting damage or scarring of any kind.]

It need not be terrible, simply... overwhelming. Dare me to attack Alucard - that would be foolish, dangerous. Or to submit to someone who has the power to hurt me. [A little laugh escapes her, as if she finds the idea of that utterly ridiculous.]

[ Even hurting Regina a little is something Mami wants to avoid, even though it was inevitable given she was stupid enough to say the other girl's name to Lucille at all. And she's going to feel sick about it until this is over and maybe even then some.

Mami only ends up biting her lip in response. ] ...Which person is Alucard?

A vampire.

[Shifting in her chair, Regina finally sits mostly upright, a slight cant to her head as she studies Mami. Had she not queried Lucille herself, it would be easier to weasel out of a dare - she hadn't participated, couldn't be held to the rules of a contract she hadn't agreed to, and so forth. Since she had, her weaseling had to be much more clever.]

A very dangerous one.

[Lucille doesn't know that Alucard has any interest in her. Hopefully, Lucille doesn't know much of Alucard at all - that he's just as likely to laugh and set someone away from him for an attack as he would be to viciously murder them.

It depends quite a lot on the day and the alignment of the stars, his temper.]

Dare me to attack him. Such a thing is sufficiently foolish.

[ A vampire? Mami can only blink a few times in response. She wasn't sure such things really existed, though she knows better than to really question it now. It's still a bit of a surprise, and it only worries Mami more, especially since Regina isn't helping make her feel any better with the whole "he's incredibly dangerous" thing there... ]

...I won't make you go alone, Miss Regina.

[ She might agree to dare her to attack him, but Mami insists that she is there, that if anything happens he would turn his anger on her instead. ...It's not like her life is worth all that much. ]

[Regina frowns slightly - and then makes a quiet, startled noise.]

Oh, no, please, Mami. Don't worry for me. I know Alucard. I know...

[Well. Saying she can manage him is idiotic. No one can manage the truly insane, and Alucard? If he isn't truly insane, he's certainly very close. But he does have patterns of behavior. Even if they are completely unpredictable.]

I know him. [Shifting, she leans forward, bridging the distance between her and Mami with a touch of her hand.] Understand, I know him well enough to know, too, that I will be safe.

[Sort of.]

And I am... capable of defending myself. Trust me.

[She gives Mami's arm a light squeeze.]

[ Mami's mouth opens again to protest, to tell Regina the same thing again, to make her realize that Mami can't ask her to do anything dangerous.. and finds herself silent with the touch on her arm. It's not usual that she finds herself in a sort of dynamic where she's so easily quieted, but she's seen enough of Regina to know that she can trust her when she says such things. ...Especially when she doesn't even hear the usual stammering and nervousness in Regina's voice. ]

I don't expect you to forgive me so easily. And if you end up hurt because of me I won't forgive myself.

Forgive you? For what? What should I need to forgive you for?

[It's not innocence or naivete that compels her to say such a thing. She's lost so much of that, though her faith in people is still unwavering. But they both chose to participate in Lucille's game. Holding the desire for knowledge against someone? That Regina won't do.

It would make her a hypocrite.]

I will end up hurt regardless. This is not your fault. You named me, yes, but Lucille chose my name and the severity of the dare. [She doesn't point out that if Mami hadn't named her, this would be a non-issue. There's no reason to feed the other girl's guilt.] As I said, I can defend myself. And the way Alucard is inclined to hurt... [A fond smile turns up the corners of her lips, and her fingers lift from Mami's arm to feather absently over her neck.] I don't mind all of them.

[As for the others, well. She broke his jaw once. Maybe she'll break his kneecaps this time. That would be a refreshing change of pace.]

I can't expect you to just go through with this without letting you ask something from me in return.

[ It doesn't need to be said, but they both know exactly what Mami is guilty about, the fact that she put Regina into that position to be picked, that Mami should have known better. All she can do now is look around the room, as if trying to find something.. ]

I-I could help you here, if you need another maid. Or I could take some work off your hands. Please... I want to make it up to you somehow, before I dare you to do something that might get you hurt.

[ She isn't necessarily begging... yet. But if Regina doesn't give her something to feel better about she might end up on her knees. Though she doesn't miss that Regina might almost be able to find some potential enjoyment with Alucard, it doesn't do much to make her worry less. ]

Mami.

[Her voice is sharp. Commanding. The sleepiness that has plagued her expression dissipates in an instant.]

Enough of this. We knew the dangers when we decided to play. You thought naming me an acceptable risk. Had I not wanted anything to do with this game, I would not have played, and I would use that as a reason not to uphold my end of a contract I had not agreed to.

[She makes an expansive gesture.]

You named me. You put my name against a fool dare. Surely you realized this would be a possible outcome. I realized, when I made my request of Lucille, that I would be tacitly agreeing to the rest of this. You need not make it up to me. There is nothing to forgive. We both agreed to participate in this thing.

[Folding her hands in her lap, she lifts both brows.]

There is no debt between us. I can ask nothing of you - I would not ask anything of you.

[ Mami shrinks down, just a little, having realized there's no more recourse for her to try to make it up to Regina. Either she really does forgive her, or this is the end and there isn't anything more Mami can do. Of course, she's the type of girl who blames herself for her parents death in the car accident that was supposed to kill her, because she wished that she wouldn't die, but forgot to wish for their lives as well. Being unable to forgive herself for mistakes and wanting to constantly fix them is what drives Mami as a person. ]

I think I knew deep down that you are stronger than anyone else I know. And my question of her is important. I need to know how I can become a normal human again.

[ So now, she bites her lip, nodding a few times, before taking in a deep breath. ]

Then... I dare you to pick a fight.. with Alucard. Even though it might be incredibly dangerous.

[Her voice gentles.]

I am what I am. If that makes me strong, then I am strong.

[Odd. She expected some compulsion to carry through the dare, but as Mami speaks, she feels nothing. No compulsion, no need.

She will, of course, carry through. This is an acceptable dare. She feels no need to weasel out of it.]

Normal human, though? [They've never talked about Mami's old life.] You're not?

[ Mami would mention the many ways Regina has shown her strength to Mami, but given how things are at the moment, she almost feels like it would just sound patronizing. ]

I believe you are.

[ This time, Mami had spoken knowing what the outcome would be. She mentioned her question of Lucille almost hoping that Regina would ask about it, so that she could have a chance to explain herself. Maybe then Regina might really understand why Mami did what she did, not out of some game or anything as inconsequential as that. ]

I'm not a human. Not anymore. I was granted a wish, and I became a Puella Magi. My soul is now inside here... [ She lifts the ring on her finger, the sparkling, almost mesmerizing jeweled thing, trying to take deep breaths. ] My body is just a husk, I don't have to eat or sleep, and my body can't be destroyed unless this is... I'm not really even alive anymore.

Edited 2015-11-17 20:49 (UTC)

[Regina goes rigid.]

Your soul?

[Though her face betrays only a sense of weight and gravity, she's clearly horrified or shocked or some combination of both. Her posture is too stiff to communicate anything else. Staring at the ring, she licks her lips. Her fingers lace together in her lap and she grips her hands so strongly her fingers turn white.

This is not good. This is precisely the opposite of good.

But Mami's world runs on its own rules. Those rules have no bearing here.]

That doesn't mean you're not human. [The words come slowly, delivered with as much gravity as is written on Regina's face.]

[ That's kind of the expected response. Mami is not human, how could anyone be normal around her knowing that information?

But given her own inward pain, Mami doesn't quite realize how this news really hits Regina, unable to see past the reaction as anything other than disgusted or horrified. ]

I haven't aged in years. I... I'm a monster. You don't understand.. [ She still can't mention the whole "I am going to eventually turn into a Witch that will kill people mercilessly unless someone comes and kills me first, likely my own friends." ]

You're not a monster.

[In counterpoint to the slow denial of Mami's inhumanity, these words are sharp. They crack in the air like a whip.]

Evelyn Maeve is a monster. You are not.

[Those are dangerous words, but they're true. Regina has learned much of monsters at Lilith's Crossing, and she thinks she knew even more of them before she came to the manor. She'll remember soon enough. But what she has learned tells her Mami is no monster. Frightened, upset, horrified by what she is - she has no soul, Regina thinks, and that is truly terrifying - but not a monster.]

Monsters are not disturbed by what they are. [One brow lifts, and she attempts levity.] And I won't age for centuries to come, either. I will be twenty-three for at least a millennium.

[ The quick response makes Mami sit up a little straighter, her attention locking onto Regina. ]

...Evelyn...?

[ Of course, Mami has only ever seen Evelyn from afar, like at dinners and the sort. She never had reason to actually introduce herself to her, and she wonders if the woman even knows who she is. But apparently she is a monster, according to Regina, which makes her wonder if she means all the Maeve are... which isn't something that Mami is ready to believe. ]

You won't? [ That's another in a string of surprises, but it doesn't lift the heavy weight off Mami yet. ] A monster is someone who hurts people, especially ones they care about. I've... I've killed my own friends. I didn't know it was them. Puella Magi all become Witches in the end, creatures who feed off despair and death. We didn't know it before, but the Witches that Puella Magi fight.. they were our comrades...

Here, those who can practice magic are called witches. Clearly, not the same as in your world. Those of us who are strong enough, who are tied closely enough to the land, are able to live centuries. Sometimes nearly two thousand years.

[Her expression is gentle, almost distant.]

Mother was thirteen hundred, give or take.

[In her prime, truly. And she'd been cut down. But that's not what's important here.

Regina leans toward Mami.]

Monsters are those who chose to harm. You said yourself, you didn't know your Witches were friends. [It's hard for her to keep up with this, her mind sluggish and slow, but she thinks she's doing well enough.] You didn't know. And if they have become things that feed off misery, is it not better to remove them from the world? Death is always painful, but what you do, hard as it is, is just and right. You should not feel guilt.

Thirteen... [ Her voice lets out her surprise easily, she had no idea that someone could live so long. Even though she hasn't really been aging too much as far as she can tell over these last few years, she never thought she'd ever last that long in her fight against Witches.

She's still uncomfortable though, her body language speaking volumes in how she sits, how she seems to cover herself with her arms, shrinking down in her seat. ]

It's my fault... my best friend and the most important person to me... she died fighting a Witch who was my second student ever. I told her I was a fraud, and she became a Witch. I.. loved both of them, and they died fighting each other. It's my fault. [ Mami is overflowing now, and she doesn't know how to stop it. There's so much guilt inside of her and she hates it but she suddenly finds herself covering her mouth, taking in a deep breath. ]

Mami.

[She reaches out, touching Mami's shoulder lightly again.]

You cannot take responsibility for another person's actions or emotions. If we all did that, we would all be disasters. Empathy is good. It's what makes us human. But taking on the burden of someone else's actions? You cannot do that, my darling, it will destroy you. It is destroying you.

[Her fingers sweep gently down the other girl's arm, a slow, kind caress.]

There's no easy way to let go of that, but you must understand: it was not your fault.

Yes? [ The way Regina speaks her name has her looking up finally, the tears welling up and nearly ready to roll down her face. ]

I guess you're right..

[ The caress helps, but Mami's acceptance of Regina's advice isn't taken fully. Because she made her own mistakes. She was a fraud from the very beginning and she lied to people she cared about. Let them think she was someone else. Then couldn't handle the pain of losing two girls she cared so much about and ended it herself.

That kind of thing isn't so easily given up, or gotten over. For now though, she tries to stop letting out so much, taking in deep breaths. She doesn't want to drag Regina any further in than she has to, to open herself up more than she had to, in order to explain why she did what she did. ]

I'm sorry, Miss Regina. For bringing you into any of this.

You needn't apologize. It's what I'm here for: to listen and to help.

[Really, Regina? Is it? That's an odd thing to say, considering your father sold you to Evelyn Maeve to be collateral.

Except she knows that's not true because her father died 22 years ago, when she was two.

Regina leans back, curling into her chair again, and yawns against her shoulder.] Mmm, what time is it? [Not late enough to be so tired. But she is, and she rubs her eyes with the heels of her hands.] Forgive me, I'm... very tired. Winter is coming swiftly, and I... [Another yawn.] The land sleeps. I want to as well.

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